Maybe a Little Hopeless

Burnout is maybe one of my biggest fears, I fear that I may experience a burnout so dire it kills my motivation for the rest of my life. So, I stick to limiting myself, preventing myself from shining too bright from fear that it will kill me completely. What's the point of living if I can't do it to my fullest ability though? I don't know. Maybe this isn't the best post for a first post, maybe it is, because it shows you guys where my head space is at while I'm starting this journey.

I'm not that much of a writer so as I start, bare with me as my writing improves, I journal on and off so I do have a sort of foundation, but storytelling has never been one of my strong suits and I'd like to change that.

The reason I wanted this first entry to be about hopelessness is because well, I feel like it may be an extremely relevant topic considering all that is happening in the world, theres so much to care about that, well, all the care we have, all the hope we have has been spent. Its difficult to keep ourselves afloat in a world that aims to drown us out.

And of course, on top of everything there is things happening in out personal lives as well... I've been swamped with school work, I'd go as far as to say its been the bane of my existence for the good chunk of 2026 i have lived through, and now theres two more weeks and I still feel like, i haven't done enough and I'm doing too much all at the same time.

Trying to balance this with being even remotely likable as a person has been a challenge, its not that I'm repulsive or anything, its just that I'm not who I want to be and that makes me feel repulsive to myself. I'm sure im not the only one who burdens themselves with thoughts of themselves like this, is there anything that weighs on your existence that others find to be quite trivial?